CINCINNATI (RPT) - Several cohorts of first generation academics, including undergraduates, graduate students, postdoctoral fellows and professors, have been regretting their life choices with the apocalypse underway. One first generation graduate student told RPT that she wishes she had never made the foolish decision to leave the compound of her prepper parents in rural Arkansas in order to pursue an education. “Here I am, fighting undergraduates for the last few Rollos at the Sev, while my parents are livin’ it up on the farm. I totally made the wrong call,” she told RPT.
First generation professors have expressed similar regrets. “I thought my parents were crazy when I was growing up, with all their talk of the end of the world and their stockpiling of rice and toilet paper,” she told an RPT correspondent, “but look who’s laughing now. I’m wiping my ass with those shitty little napkins I stole from the deli while my parents are luxuriating in post bowel movement Charmin heaven.”
RPT asked the parents of a first generation college student for their perspective on their child’s mistakes. “This ain’t the first bad decision she’s made, and it ain’t gonna’ be the last. I bet you she’s still fixin’ to apply grad school,” her dad told RPT. Her Mom added, “She really should be focusing her energy on more important things, like helping us line the bunker with aluminum foil so extraterrestrials can’t read our minds while we’re holed up down there.”