DENVER (RPT) - Graduate advisors recalled over 700,000 pounds of shitty career advice after complaints from graduate students that the advice contained “extraneous materials.” The reported extraneous materials found in graduate advisors’ career advice include wardrobe-related comments, chunks of sharp glass, recommendations to “stop having babies,” pieces of hard plastic, fear-mongering about idea-stealing, and dating advice such as “don’t do it because it’s not a good use of your time.”

“My advisor was explaining how to apply for post docs and then all the sudden went into a rant about how university breaks are only for lazy undergrads and maintenance staff,” one graduate student reported. “After hearing this I applied for a maintenance position instead of a post doc, but it turns out they don’t even get to take university breaks.” A separate graduate student told an RPT correspondent, “My advisor told me to set my watch back two days early so that I never miss a deadline. And I’m pretty sure he’s trolling me from an anonymous @MadHatterProf Twitter account.”

Graduate advisors responded to the complaints by recalling the shitty career advice that has been recently produced, packed and delivered to graduate students. The recall includes pepperoni flavored career advice, packed in 54-ounce cartons with an expiration date of February 2032. The label reads “Graduate Advisor Brand Career Advice: Premium Pepperoni Made With All Sorts of Bullshit Encased in a Delicious Garlic Buttery Crust.”