Florida Man Identified as Reviewer 3

FLORIDA (RPT) – A Florida man was arrested at his home last Tuesday after police received an anonymous tip regarding his involvement in a string of unnecessarily harsh and vindictive manuscript reviews. On the scene, police found thirty pounds of lemons and a thesaurus with all synonyms for the words “insufficient” and “evidence” underlined.

The man was then identified as Reviewer 3 and confessed to his role in countless paper rejections in journals spanning numerous fields of study. Regarding his motives, he offered, “After I was kicked out of high school for [redacted], I needed something to pass my time. It was either this or loitering outside the Kwik Stop with Enus and Colter.”

When asked how he managed to become a frequent reviewer at so many high-impact journals without any experience or academic credentials, he replied, “They’ll let just about anybody review these things.”