BOISE (RPT) – Forced to work from home in the midst of the COVID19 pandemic, many professors are exposing their families to incessant dad jokes that are threatening the sanity of their spouses and children. Both male and female professors have been subjecting their partners and children to these seriously unfunny dad jokes, which include mediocre puns, embarrassing references to 80s culture, and da-daesqe non-sequiturs. Professors typically reserve these jokes for their undergraduate students during lectures and for other situations in which they have a captive audience, including unnecessary meetings with junior faculty.
“He grabbed a beer from the fridge and then told me to go grab some Lyme disease for his Coronavirus for the 5th time today,” one professor’s child told RPT. “He’s so into that stupid joke that he bought a sombrero from Wal-Mart. Not only is that reckless during a pandemic, it’s also cultural appropriation.” Another professor’s partner told RPT correspondents, “Pam is driving me fucking crazy! She keeps referring to herself as ‘the Pam-demic’ while dancing around the living room like a crazy person and is calling all of her online meetings ‘covideo calls’! Every time I grab a new roll of toilet paper she tells me not to ‘wipe out’ our supply because of ‘the runs’ on toilet paper at the stores.”
RPT reporters spoke with a professor working from home to get his thoughts on the dad joke backlash. “Haven’t you seen? My jokes have gone totally viral on the Twitter!” he joshed. “Seriously though, I think my jokes are great.” When asked whether he would cut back on dad jokes given his family’s complaints, he pointed at his nose and responded that he “‘nose’ what’s best for his family.” An RPT correspondent noticed him sniffling and nosily followed up, asking him “is your nose running?” and after he replied in the affirmative, RPT advised him “you better go catch it.” RPT recommends that you not share any of these jokes with others to contain this growing epidemic.